Caveats:

  1. This is a scenario that turns me on, so please enter into it knowing that and at least keep your judgement to yourself, if you can’t not have any.
  2. If you or your beloved are uninterested in orgasm, skip this experiment entirely, bc I’m not sure if there’s anything here you’ll find interesting.
  3. This experiment specifically focusses on what I’m tentatively calling ‘predicament consent’, so it might be a good idea to skip it if you really squick out at dubcon or noncon as a fictional situation.
  4. Please do not leave comments that confuse fantasy with reality by flaming me for ‘supporting rape culture’ or smth. I’m trying to figure out a kink here, trying to have a discussion. If you think you might be angry if you read about a fantasy or story that might qualify as some kind of dub- or noncon, then just skip this entry ok? Ok.
  5. I am not sure if this counts as dub- or noncon, which is partially why I’m posting this and inviting other people to discuss it. I’m trying to figure out what this is called, and if there are others who like it, or if I’m alone and have somehow come up with a new thing.


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Trying to pick out surnames. So far have some contenders

Salvati - Italian. 'saved'. One of the names given to foundlings (i.e. orphans), traditionally. Thing is, 'saved' is a passive action. Also it would make my initials BS.

Nightingale - Anglo-Saxon. For me this would be a soronym, bc it is the name my sister gave me.

Carnew - English. 'grave digger'. Also Carneau, Carnow. From 'carn'. Concerned about it being messed with bc 'car' and 'new' are English words, but to me it sounds delightfully Victorian English and that is a selling point. UK English would pronounce it CAR-new/no, even though the French pronunciation of 'Carneau' is 'car-NOH'. So idk. I don't want an overtly 'French' name bc it seems somehow conceited?

Orchard - Anglo-Saxon. Because that's where I grew up. I'd pick something like nutwood but... jokes. :/

Unfortunately, the part of the world I grew up in was populated and named by people not of my ethnicity, so I can't use a name from the area like Alvaredo. The name the Europeans originally gave California was New Albion, so I guess derivatives of Albion are in the running. Place names aren't too common nowadays, and occupational names involving death are few and far between. Names that involve birds are also something I'm considering, but I kind of wish I had a list of them.

And then there's some form of Xenopheles/Xenophilius. Peregrinitate is 'strangeness' in Latin, and obviously 'amor' and forms thereof is 'lover'. I just have no idea how to put them together. Theophilius/Amadeo is an example of what I want to be able to do, here.

Jack just got his name changed, actually changed, and it's put a bug in my ear about 'you haven't thought about this hard enough you can't just half-ass rush this/let other people decide for you like you do everything else'. The thing is, no matter what decision I make, if it isn't approved by someone else I have regret as soon as I commit to it, I have this deep panic that I've made the Wrong Decision. I know why this happens, but it doesn't keep it from happening.

Fuck I just want a name. Why is this so hard.

I think it’s interesting that Dreamworks seems to be coming into their own now. At least, in my experience. The recent Disney films have been very… shiny, and superficially they seem better because Female Main Character Who Appears Strong… but honestly, as good as PatF is, they undermined their own message of ‘hard work and heart will win the day’ if you’re paying attention; and don’t get me started on Pixar. Just don’t.

Yet Dreamworks has these male main characters, and yet…

What’s HtTYD about? The hero saves the day by being curious, and kind, and intelligent, and scientific. What saves the day? Understanding and friendship and intelligence.

Oh yeah and the hero AND his dragon are both handicapped, and there is no stigma at all about this in the community in which they live. What WHAT ^o^//

Seriously that made me cry.

The Dangers of Dreaming

Thursday, 7 March 2013 06:14 pm
Words: 200
Rating: G/U/E
Summary: Welcome to the island west of the main. Try not to think too hard—and gods help you if you're creative….

The Dangers of Dreaming

Breakthrough

Thursday, 7 March 2013 04:51 am

Sometimes you have to reread something you consider an opus to remember why you write, why it's worth the struggle, why Depression needs to get the fuck off your couch and stop monopolising your time.

I was prompted to re-read Champion Rising because my eldest sister asked for the link to it, as she is about to see Alice in Wonderland for the first time soon. My eldest sister is my idol, my muse, my artistic mentor and inspiration. That she was to read this meant a mad scramble to read it, to see if it was embarrassingly bad--I wrote it in 2010 after all. So much has changed since then.

But that's the last time I was truly prolific in my writing, truly inspired. It pains me to realise I have lost track of most of my notes, that I don't remember details that were never written down, about storylines and plots that were planned for the future. I wish badly to continue it, and I think I will--but I know that I would need someone to help me keep track. I have never learnt how to keep track of everything, when I write. There are myriad tools but none of them seem to work like my brain, except, well, except wikipedias. But those are difficult to make in a private space.

In a larger sense, though, I've had a breakthrough today.

For a while now, I've said to people that I don't want to make money at my art, because 'then it wouldn't be fun'. Thing is, those aren't my words. Those are other people's words. I looked around today and realised... lots of people make money doing art, and also have enormous fun doing it.

Making money can be fun.

More importantly, I don't have to be miserable to be an adult. I don't have to suffer in order to acquire payment. I am not useless, my talents are not useless.

can be an artist, I am an artist.

No one is stopping me anymore. No one.

I'm not communicating this properly, but it's been a struggle lately.
 

'In the beginning of Arda Melkor seduced him [Sauron] to his allegiance...' - Of the Rings of Power and the Third Age 1:1

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Part two, as promised, wherein we find out about what happens when Bond encounters genders that don't fit into the binary with which he was raised. Here's the glossary again.

SexThe physical configuration of genitalia. This does not assert anything but what science defines as 'male' and 'female'—i.e. the type of gonad present. For simplicity's sake, 'male' is shorthand for 'in possession of external, sperm-producing gonads (testes) inside a scrotal sack, accompanied by a phallus that has a urethra down the centre' and 'female' is shorthand for 'in possession of internal, ova-producing gonads (ovaries), accompanied by a vaginal passage leading to a uterus'. Also, again for simplicity's sake, I will be discussing what medical science terms 'ambiguous genitalia' separately.
GenderThe societal role and pronouns a person uses.
TwixtAny person whose gender and sex are different from one another; as well as people whose gender or sex do not have an established gender role in the culture from which they originate. Trans people and intersex people, as well as genderqueer people, are covered by this term, since there are commonalities across all non-cis genders and non-cis sexes.
Cis(male; female)Someone whose sex and gender are the same.
GynophilicAttracted to the gender of female.
AndrophilicAttracted to the gender of male
FeminisexualAttracted to the sex of female (see 'Sex' above).
MasculosexualAttracted to the sex of male (see 'Sex' above).

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Here's some more in-depth, straightforward instructions for achieving a male silhouette.

Supplies

  • Underworks binder (I can only give reviews on the 980, 983, and 997)
  • Packer (link is to the best on the market, get a mini. No really, get a mini)
  • Mens cotton briefs in your size, or other male type underwear with a y-front—these are important, because they will not only be helping your binder stay down, but also the pouch of the briefs will be used to hold your packer.
  • ¾"/2cm size binderclips (2 of these)
  • Baby powder (do not substitute cornstarch)

First, the three binders I have used and their pros and cons. Note that I am 5'10" and 147lbs, with a long torso and a bra size of 32-34DDD/F. However, I also live with a guy who uses binders, who is built like a tank and has a tum, and will be including the things he's said about the binders as well.

The 997

  • Longline—goes down to your hips, thereby making your silhouette unbroken and disguising the feminine widening of the hips. Longline is also best if you have a long torso or if your tits start low on your chest/are pendulous. Bear says longline also helps his trousers fit better and more comfortably. Note that the longline binders from underworks have a tuck in the back centre of the collar and flare a bit on the bottom, for a better fit.
  • Pull-over—pulls on like a shirt, this can be a struggle and require assistance until you figure out a system. It is possible to get into one by yourself, but takes practise. However, the upside is that the front is smooth and the binder doesn't need an extra layer to cover up the hook-front that the 980 and 990 have.
  • Overall, I rate this a good binder if you don't mind the struggle of pulling it on. I'm claustrophobic so I wouldn't recommend this if you are at all worried about panicking about getting stuck (you will get stuck a few times). Bear gets these on easier than I do, but he has a wider ribcage and narrower shoulders than I.

The 980 (also the 990 to some extent)

  • Longline—see above.
  • Hook-front—I love the hook-front. It shrugs on like a vest and has bra-type hooks all the way down, in two rows for adjusting. Hook it from the top down. This is easy to get on by yourself, and allows for quick stripping down should you need to get out of it for an emergency (like sex, or an asthma attack, or needing a shower right now). The disadvantage is that hook-front needing at least one extra layer to smooth it out. Since I wear suits and usually need the warmth of a t-shirt under my button-up shirt, I don't find this a problem.
  • Overall, this is the binder I use and will use; this is also the binder Bear favours. I'm planning on trying the 990 because it comes in xs, but that's the only reason I would stop using the 980. I would highly recommend using the 990 if you have asthma or think that you might at any point start panicking about the feeling of compression, though.

The 983

  • Shortline—This was my first binder, and it works great for people with smaller tits, or if you need to bare midriff. It did not work for me, though. My tits are big, low-set, and peeped out the bottom of the binder (which stopped an inch or so above the bottom of my ribcage—as I said, long torso). Bear says he wouldn't recommend this for 'plus sizes with anything bigger than an A cup', and cites 'poppin' out the bottom' as well.
  • Pullover—see above. Because of the shortness, it won't give you a slim silhouette, however it will allow more flexibility in your torso, and of course allow for baring the midriff. This might also be a good choice for people who can't stand the feeling of compression, or who have moderate or severe asthma issues.
  • Overall, I wouldn't recommend this binder unless you haven't got a lot of tits, hips, or fat on you.

Getting dressed using a longline binder

  1. Apply baby powder all over your torso, but especially under your tits. Powder your packer as well.
  2. Carefully tuck your packer through the front part of the underwear. What you want to do, here, is make sure the packer isn't directly touching your skin, because that will chafe and cause a rash. Using a packing strap is another solution, but I always find having an extra layer of elastic waistband to be cumbersome. You can safety-pin the pouch closed if you're concerned about the packer falling out, but don't do that right now.
  3. Put the underwear on, and adjust the packer. Put the base of the phallus over where your clitoris is, or maybe a teeny bit higher—but not much. Yes, it should be that low. This is when you can pin the underwear closed along the outside slit if you want.
  4. Grab your binder, get your head and arms in it/shrug it on, but don't pull it all the way down yet (hook front: hook the first 3-4 hooks). You need to adjust your tits. Coax them down and to the sides as much as you can without hurting yourself, gradually pulling/hooking the binder down over them. Once it's all the way down, hold the front edge and wiggle a bit, arch your back, make sure you're adjusted in the binder so that it isn't making you hunch over. You may need to reach up under the binder and re-adjust your tits a couple times before you're done.
  5. You probably want to go and pee at this point.
  6. Okay here's where the binder clips come in: Pulling the bottom edge of your binder over your underwear, line up the side seam of the binder with the side-seam of the underwear, and clip just in front of it on each side. You can also slide the clip forward to make sure it won't dig in. You wanna be comfortable after all. Clipping will help the binder not roll up, and eliminates worrying about tugging it down all the time. Believe me, this is worth the peace of mind.
  7. Shortline binders use the same steps but forego the binder clips.

Okay so I'm dressed, now I can't fucking move. What is happen.

This is normal. Practise moving in this. Sit, stand, walk. Remember not to hitch your packer higher, even if it would be comfortable. Adjust your walk instead. Voilá, guy-walk. Your feet will be farther apart, you'll find that more comfortable, and that will eliminate the hip-swing that reads as 'lady'. Honestly, getting a packer is way easier than trying to figure out 'what makes a masculine walk'.

You will breathe differently, you will sit differently, you will stand differently, you will eat differently, you will walk differently, you will go to the bathroom differently. It's just the same as if you were wearing a corset.

Bathroom tips: You're going to have to unclip yourself every time you go, and that gives you a chance to re-adjust everything, which you will probably get the urge to do. Your tits will try and move back up and toward the centre over time, and you want to keep pulling them back outwards and downwards. Remember the packer, just take it down carefully. It will be protected by a layer of fabric so don't worry too much, but you may want to either not let it touch the floor or try and 'hide' it in your trousers. This is coming from someone who is terrified of getting 'found out' in the men's room though, so ymmv.

Ugh I'm hot: Yes, yes you are. You will be sweaty, and hot, because binders are 100% elastic and non-breathable, that's why they're mesh and have a mesh back. When you get undressed, rinse your binder in cool water by hand, then wash it by hand with some plain non-lotion soap in a bowl or container of cool water. Rinse again and hang dry (do not wring). Take out your packer and gently wash it with soap and water like you would wash your skin (do not use a scrub or washcloth, do not do not), pat it dry with a paper towel (not a cloth towel, it'll get lint all over it), and let it air dry, then powder it and put it in your drawer. A simple lintfree cloth bag will work too. I just keep mine on top of my t-shirts in my underwear drawer, but I wear mine every day.

As I said at the end of this post, I have very definite (albeit difficult to describe) ideas about Bond and gender, including I guess what would be termed 'his sexuality' (I hate that term).

First, a caveat: I do not ascribe to the regimented and ever-changing, politically-correct terms that the social justice bullies mete out. Here's a short glossary to prevent confusion.

SexThe physical configuration of genitalia. This does not assert anything but what science defines as 'male' and 'female'—i.e. the type of gonad present. For simplicity's sake, 'male' is shorthand for 'in possession of external, sperm-producing gonads (testes) inside a scrotal sack, accompanied by a phallus that has a urethra down the centre' and 'female' is shorthand for 'in possession of internal, ova-producing gonads (ovaries), accompanied by a vaginal passage leading to a uterus'. Also, again for simplicity's sake, I will be discussing what medical science terms 'ambiguous genitalia' separately.
GenderThe societal role and pronouns a person uses.
TwixtAny person whose gender and sex are different from one another; as well as people whose gender or sex do not have an established gender role in the culture from which they originate. Trans people and intersex people, as well as genderqueer people, are covered by this term, since there are commonalities across all non-cis identities.
Cis(male; female)Someone whose sex and gender are the same.
GynophilicAttracted to the gender of female.
AndrophilicAttracted to the gender of male
FeminisexualAttracted to the sex of female (see 'Sex' above).
MasculosexualAttracted to the sex of male (see 'Sex' above).

I hope that about covers every single term I may end up using. (deep breath) Okay, here we go...

Read more... )

There was a reason Bond had a reputation, but most men didn’t realise it wasn’t his cock that supported it. Since Le Chiffre, actually, his cock hadn’t been his favourite sexual appendage. His mouth, however, and his hands… those had always been far more effective at giving pleasure… she sobbed above him as he traced the shape of her clit with the tip of his tongue, fit it into the little groove on the underside, traced down to the entrance of her and back up, circled, kissed as deeply as he kissed her mouth….
Bond has an oral fixation, and his tongue—and the willingness with which he applies it to his partners—is the thing that actually upholds that Reputation, not his cock.

After Le Chiffre, this becomes even more pronounced, as he has nerve damage from the torture session, and the weird sticky tingling from it makes penetration an exercise in carefulness. He doesn’t trust most people to be that careful with him.

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Saturday, 26 January 2013 10:16 pm
I think about six different people have scornfully told me to ‘just read the books’ in the past 24 hours, in both of my newer fandoms (lotr and rotg).

What bothers me most about this non-answer to a newfan being confused is that it doesn’t respond to whether or not the information I give before asking ‘is this what actually happens?’ is accurate. It’s a non-answer that makes the assumption that if I were to read the book, I would change my opinion to something more ‘enlightened’. That has always bothered me.

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